I had an argument today with my mother. She decided to use one of my shirts as a blanket for our dog. This wasn’t the first time she had done this, so I got really mad and started shouting at her. She tried to lie that “she had bought that shirt” which got me even madder and when my sister heard (as the one currently bringing the money in the family she was now viewed as the authoritative figure) she went out of the bathroom to join in the argument as my mother’s defense. Her first argument was “when are you going to find a job”, which of course didn’t have anything to do with the right of my mom to use my clothes as anything she can think of. Of course, my sister wanted to instill some shame in me for shouting at my mother – she went on how “you don’t have a job, and you’re 30 and still live with your mom (I’m 27), and you haven’t worked a day in your life”, and so on. I didn’t work much when I was studying but I still got at least a day…
She said she couldn’t sleep because she was making ends meet for all of us but when I tried to give her some money (I didn’t have much) she said I was “a joke”. I tried to reason with her as to what my appropriate behavior would be (for her) but all she gave me were arguments that sounded like whatever ever, EVER I do it will never be enough and I will forever be in her debt.
I’m currently unemployed but I was happy with my life up until that moment because despite dropping out of my old university I managed to find a better education and better prospects for the future. Now I’m studying to become a software engineer and don’t have much time to even start looking for a full-time job but I feel satisfied by what I’m doing even as others are trying to take it from me, the satisfaction I mean. My sister didn’t much care that my future was looking better than ever and I finally had the chance to become a fully functional human being because she couldn’t either see or feel that change ( especially in terms of money), so she said I was “arrogant” for complaining about anything that was happening in the family (good or bad),
becase “some people don’t have where to live or what to eat”. Just because you have a life that is better than the life of other people doesn’t mean you can’t try to make it even better. Maybe it’s better or the same to have nowhere to live and to have your family try to fill you with negativity almost every day.
And yet if my sister had told my mother that it’s not good to dispose so lightly of other people’s stuff the first time she knew of it, I wouldn’t be shouting at hundredth.
Trying to fix one mistake by making another is never a good practice and by joining in the argument in that particular and negative way she made things at least for me much worse because now I realize that it doesn’t much matter what I do.
Still, it’s always better for other people if you keep quiet about their mistakes but not objectively the right thing to do.
Right now I feel like I have to disconnect from my family in order to feel safe and happy.