Category Archives: Stories

My Family and Other Disasters

I had an argument today with my mother. She decided to use one of my shirts as a blanket for our dog. This wasn’t the first time she had done this, so I got really mad and started shouting at her. She tried to lie that “she had bought that shirt” which got me even madder and when my sister heard (as the one currently bringing the money in the family she was now viewed as the authoritative figure) she went out of the bathroom to join in the argument as my mother’s defense. Her first argument was “when are you going to find a job”, which of course didn’t have anything to do with the right of my mom to use my clothes as anything she can think of. Of course, my sister wanted to instill some shame in me for shouting at my mother – she went on how “you don’t have a job, and you’re 30 and still live with your mom (I’m 27), and you haven’t worked a day in your life”, and so on. I didn’t work much when I was studying but I still got at least a day…

She said she couldn’t sleep because she was making ends meet for all of us but when I tried to give her some money (I didn’t have much) she said I was “a joke”. I tried to reason with her as to what my appropriate behavior would be (for her) but all she gave me were arguments that sounded like whatever ever, EVER I do it will never be enough and I will forever be in her debt.

I’m currently unemployed but I was happy with my life up until that moment because despite dropping out of my old university I managed to find a better education and better prospects for the future. Now I’m studying to become a software engineer and don’t have much time to even start looking for a full-time job but I feel satisfied by what I’m doing even as others are trying to take it from me, the satisfaction I mean. My sister didn’t much care that my future was looking better than ever and I finally had the chance to become a fully functional human being because she couldn’t either see or feel that change ( especially in terms of money), so she said I was “arrogant” for complaining about anything that was happening in the family (good or bad),

becase “some people don’t have where to live or what to eat”. Just because you have a life that is better than the life of other people doesn’t mean you can’t try to make it even better. Maybe it’s better or the same to have nowhere to live and to have your family try to fill you with negativity almost every day.

And yet if my sister had told my mother that it’s not good to dispose so lightly of other people’s stuff the first time she knew of it, I wouldn’t be shouting at hundredth.

Trying to fix one mistake by making another is never a good practice and by joining in the argument in that particular and negative way she made things at least for me much worse because now I realize that it doesn’t much matter what I do.

Still, it’s always better for other people if you keep quiet about their mistakes but not objectively the right thing to do.

Right now I feel like I have to disconnect from my family in order to feel safe and happy.

Crazy Botch

Crazy Botch was the only girlfriend I had from the university (yeah, you know what follows). She was studying  Arabic or something of the sort. We met on an excursion to Greece organized from the university where Crazy Botch started exchanging glances with me. It later turned out that she only did so after consulting with her female friend that found me quite charming (so modest, I know).

Her father worked “security” and for those of you which don’t know what this means in Bulgaria, it means pretty much the same as archaeology – something very shady. I was even warned that I shouldn’t tell anyone about her father’s meeting with the other people from his “security” firm. Anyway, I’m not here to write about that, Crazy Botch was a handful in itself.

I was very motivated to have a proper relationship with Crazy Botch for some altruistic reason but with time I started to feel that something about her was a little bit off. She would often fall into fits of rage because I’ve made some stupid (but obvious) joke but even more often for no reason at all (sounds familiar?). There was this time when we went to the mall to have a snack or something and I tried to kiss her – she pushed me back and the second time I tried to get closer for a kiss she said “fuck off”, got really angry and made to leave. I was said to see her go for the softhearted jello I was and just stood there wondering. I was at the same place when she got back and said, “Let’s go”. Just before we got to her place she said “Please don’t tell Mommy and Daddy that I acted this way, and acted as if nothing had happened for the rest of the evening.

The was some kinky stuff with her and at times,  she even seemed to like it and yet there seemed to be times where she seemed to be disgusted with it. I think the strangest thing was when I found that she had put me on speaker while we were talking on the phone. I think she was trying to prove to her parents how disgusting and perverted I was. I think she kind of got off from it. I’ve heard her speak similar stuff about her best friend (yeah, the one who originally “liked me”) with whom she has been for most of her life.

The difference between her behaviour when we were alone and when she was with her parents (also the fact that she was constantly comparig herself with other people while doing nothing{a.k.a the best way to never be wrong}) led me to the conclusion that I should get out as fast as possible, so one morning when she made a very nasty remark while we were lying in bed in the apartment of her parents I decided that I can’t and shouldn’t take it anymore, put on my clothes and left in a hurry. I could tell just from the look in her mother’s eyes that she was very offended by the way that I was leaving.

I didn’t want to answer her calls from that moring on but she didn’t seem to get the hint. First there were the dissapointed texts, then the apologetic ones. In the end there were the threaths and “what would happen if she had contracted some STD from me”. I think she was under the impression that I was so much in love with hear that I wouldn’t pick up the phone in fear of her breaking up with me (don’t look at me, that’s just the general impression I got from that person, to be clear – a very deep narcissim).

I saw her friend a couple of times in the university after that and she seemed to have a strengthened interest in me. I think Crazy Botch told her of the kinky stuff “I made her” do and and she found them to her liking. It’s sad that at that time I already considered them as one organism. She tried to approach me a couple of times but I played the dead  squirrell until I didn’t see them anymore.

The Couple

It was late evening and as I was walking to the subway station I caught up with a boy and a girl that were also heading the same way. We entered the station and they stopped at the place where the tickets were checked. They hugged and during their farewell conversation the boy repeated “we should see each other again” unknowingly a couple of times.

I guess he was nervous…